You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
