Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
