I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
