i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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