She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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