just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
