She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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