did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
