return my video game
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
