dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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