he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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