walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
