yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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