I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
being pregnant is like rehab
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
