he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The air was thick with penises
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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