Got a toothbrush?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
