Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I touched a dick in church today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
