Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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