i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
