i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I AM VODKA MAN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize