I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
