i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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