C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
