You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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