I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
