I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
