My hand turned me down
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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