I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
