I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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