nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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