Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
