Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
