friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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