The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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