Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
