Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
