Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
