I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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