singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
