I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
