I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
