How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize