You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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