If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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