i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
