and she was petting her beer can
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
