I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
