She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
