If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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