can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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