Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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