i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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