Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize