Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
