You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
