Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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