at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
