Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't deserve a penis
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
