Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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