She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize