Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
