I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize