I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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