Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
