worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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