The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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