This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
