I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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