just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
