he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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