we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
