Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize