cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
