apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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