Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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