Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
