I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
