omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you win again, gameday.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
