they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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