I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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