Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
