garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
