I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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