All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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