So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
